Thursday, July 1, 2010


I totally forgot I had a blog! 

Friday, January 22, 2010

Speaking Of...

I'm going to play a fun game and YOU get to... read as I play. You'll figure out the game because you're smart... and if you can't figure it out - then get off my blog.

So it's been VERY stormy... unusually stormy... here in the OC. And you all know how I feel about OC people and rain. I personally love the rain - being from Texas, it's familiar and homey. I will admit that at first I was a little nervous about it, but that lasted, oh until 1 minute after the pouring started. And it's been a blast laughing at people all week who aren't used to it... they even closed down college classes so that the students didn't have to walk in the "pouring rain." PUH-LEASE!! How are these kids going to learn how to take care of themselves? Anyway... so today the rain followed me... literally. I had to go out in the lovely cloudy bliss to run errands for work. I started about 8 miles north of my office. As soon as I parked, it started POURING and little hail balls came from the sky (and of course every facebook status of friends nearby displays "HAIL!!"... with pictures. The hail balls were the size of a pea). I watched and waited for it to let up before walking in the rain. Then I stopped for gas about 3 miles north of my office. For all you non-mathematicians, I drove 5 miles north toward my office... not that that matters. (I've always been incredibly annoying about the details in my story-telling. I've learned to accept it and I encourage you to as well... you'll like me more.) As I'm pumping gas, it started POURING and little hailing again. By the time I left the gas station it stopped. Then I stopped to pick up my lunch right by my office. And as soon as I parked, guess what? Yep, it started POURING and little hailing again. It made me chuckle and want to say aloud "Hi Hail! I JUST saw all your little brothers and sisters up in Mission Viejo! How was your descent?" But I refrained because I remembered they wouldn't be able to answer me and that would get really annoying!

SPEAKING OF hail... when I was in college my 1993 red Pontiac Grand Am got hammered by softball size hail, causing $3000.00 worth of damage. Is that how you say it? $3000.00 worth? It caused damage worth $3000? My insurance company had to pay the body repair shop $3000 to fix it? Which is correct? Oh hail... who cares...

SPEAKING OF my Red Pontiac Grand Am (you're already catching on!)... that thing was a PIECE! At first I thought it was super cool because it looked way better than my 1986 Chevy Nova... but after the 4th alternator in 6 weeks one year, I was over it! I named it Grand-Ma... Get it? Grand-AM... Grand-MA. Because it ran like a Grandma and it was red like a Granny Smith Apple. But then I learned that Granny Smith apples are only green and thank God Grand-Ma wasn't green because then I would have REALLY hated it!

SPEAKING OF Grandmas... I was called a "Bitch" by a Grandma at the grocery store the other day... well, I'm assuming she's a grandma... she was like 80. She ran over me with her cart but stopped while the wheel was still on my foot (she ran it into the shelf which is what stopped it)... and she hung on to the cart. It hurt! So I say patiently "Excuse me, you're on..." Then she sighed loudly and turned her head away from me (but held on to the cart). I kept trying pull my foot out but it wasn't budging. So I say again (with a little less patience) "Umm.. You're on my foot." Nothing. Nada. She just stood there trying to find the beans she was looking for. "Ma'am, you're on my foot!" I say sternly. She then growl-sighed and rolled forward while also rolling her eyes and says, "Bitch!" I didn't say anything. I just sat there with a look of disbelief. I gave Granny the benefit of the doubt while I bent down and gave my foot a little "I care" tlc.

SPEAKING OF TLC (this is fun!)... my old co-worker was on a show on TLC called "This Is Why You're Single." It was kind of like a cheesy intervention show where all of her friends and family waited in a room where she thought she was going to be interviewed. Then they all had to go around and say "______ is why you're single." Then she is supposed to learn from it and go on a blind date the next day and apply what she learned. ISN'T THAT HORRIBLE? What a stupid show.

SPEAKING OF being single... my friend, Megan, is a published author of a book called A Year of Blind Dates. It chronicles her, well... year of blind dates. It's funny, brilliant, honest... a great read! I'm so proud of her! You can order it off of Amazon! Go do it!

SPEAKING OF funny, brilliant, honest and a great read... wasn't this blog post game totally fun?!?!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

So.... I'm Back... Maybe... I mean, Kinda...

It's been like a year... I know. And I understand if you've left me and are never coming back. I mean, I think you're incredibly rude if that's the case (give a girl a chance!)... but I understand. And I know that some of you might be expecting an apology... something like: "I'm so sorry I haven't blogged. It's been (enter a meaningless excuse)." Well, I'm sorry to disappoint. There will be no apology. There are many reasons I have not blogged... I don't feel a need to explain it... and I don't feel a need to apologize for it. And I'm not going to make promises to internet-land that I'll write every day, every week or every month. I know what I WANT to do, and that's that. So, now that we're all on the same page...

I was going to write a blog catching you up on my life since my last post. But, I'm not going to do that either (I know! I'm such a little witch!). Mainly because I don't want to diminish the meaningful happenings over the last year into bullet points. (But I did gain a precious little blue-eyed nephew AND I've fallen {deeply} in love with a man you ALL would just adore). You'll be able to catch up on your own because you're smart like that. Kind of like starting 24 mid-season... It'll take you 2 or 3 episodes, but you'll get it. If it were like LOST on the other hand...

What I will say in today's post is Thank GOD Michelle was sent home on the Bachelor! That girl was out of her mind CRAZY! Like, stalker-crazy. She made me all squirmy every time she talked or glared at the other girls.

I know... trash, right?

You're totally judging me. Now you're really not going to come back!

Well I, Andrea, watch this trashy show. But so does my roommate, Cathi. And in OUR defense, we watch it (only) together and laugh through most of it... especially when they play awesome songs like Jeffrey Osborne's "On the Wings of Love" while soaring through the air in an airplane. (I had to look that up because I kept wanting to write Joe Cocker, but I knew it wasn't his.) We're convinced that the show's producer's are like 70 years old... and they're single, living through the bachelor on his dates... because who else would play "On the Wings of Love" and be such an amnesiac that they forget that they JUST did a helicopter date! (Seriously... there is at least one helicopter in every show!) Oh, we have a whole shpeel conjured up about the behind-the-scenes stuff.

Just like you're all still conjuring up my reasons for leaving Blogland right now... Get over it! I'm back, okay!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Talk About an Eye Roller!

This is a really horrible commercial. And I shouldn't have to explain why. The last line is my fave.

ps - Thanks, dude, for displaying who the "artist" is throughout the entire commercial. Can't wait to look him up and see what other magic he has for us.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Plea Letter

Dear Shops of M.V. Manager or whomever this affects the most:

We have a problem. Now, I'm all about solving problems, so I will offer the solution.

The problem: the kiosks, namely the Kiosk Sales People (let's call them the KSP)... you know, the ones up and down every inch of the bottom floor in your mall. You know, the ones who step in front of you, mid-stride, to ask "Can I ask you a question?" And no matter how friendly you say, "Not now, thanks," they continue with something stupid like, "You don't want shiny, luxurious locks?" You know, right?

The solution: Please be a dear and kindly remove them. Please.

Your Valued Customer,

ps - Could you also do something about the pungent scent that wafts out of Abercrombie and into every nook and cranny in your mall?

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

It's Raining in the OC

*This post is long. But, get over it. I promise it's worth reading.

So, it's raining here in the OC. That's very uncommon... very. Now, being a Texas girl, I love it. I love the change, love the gloom, love the sound of the constant rhythm of the water tapping on the wet concrete. Memories of splashing around in puddles flood my mind. I remember huddling with my sister under the plaid umbrella I loved so dearly. I remember pinching the crap out of my finger every time I went to close it. I remember having to play "Heads Up - Seven Up" during recess. I remember Lance Woods cheating every time. I remember my sister falling in the mud as she ran to make the bus. I remember sitting in our suburban at the bus stop while it rained all around us, even though we were only two houses away from the bus stop. Literally, two houses away. I remember our front yard would often flood creating The Petty Lake (we were so clever).

But what I think it absolutely hilarious... like, knee-slapping, side-splitting, bust-a-gut funny (ewww... I just realized how horribly violent that is)... are the people's reactions here. Y'all, it would appear as though a tsunami has hit. Or better yet... Armageddon in the form of raindrops. This morning on the news, the segue into the weather portion went like this: flashes of photos of lightning, people being blown away against forceful winds, palm trees being uprooted, power lines crashing down creating thousands of sparks, with these spoken words, "For all severe weather updates, stay tuned to ABC 7... LA and Orange County's weather leader." Then a brief moment of anxiety-driven tones/beats and "Storm Watch 2008" all but comes to life on the screen before Dallas Raines (yes, that's our weatherman's name) comes on to talk about the severity of this weather. Ok, let's gain some perspective, folks. Severe weather?? Really?! Severe weather??? IT'S RAINING!! I understand that because of the flash of photos you just threw up, it would appear to be severe... but let's be honest, those weren't even photos from LA OR Orange County. IT'S ONLY RAINING! And now Dallas Raines (have to say his full name) is telling us to "stay inside unless we have to go out." Really, Dallas Raines? Stay inside? Why? For fear that a few measly little raindrops will decide to go rogue and form an all-out attack? I don't get it? IT'S JUST RAINING. Oh, also he tells me it's "really cold out there. So bundle up!" IT'S 51*!!!! 51!! Cold is what the mid-west is facing with the below 0 temps. 51 is not cold, it's "colder than we're used to," but it's not cold.

Then, I get on the road with a bunch of these people who have spent the morning on Storm Watch 2008 listening to Dallas Raines. This is already an anxiety-filled town... the last thing they needed this morning was Dallas Raines talking about rain. Again, folks, road rules don't change just because it's raining. Sure, slow down a little... maybe break a little sooner, but what is up with the swerving? Are you swerving around the little puddles? Because you do realize that your car is larger than those puddles? Relax... look at your knuckles... they're snow-white from gripping the steering wheel. Yes, your child can see the rain hitting your car, you don't need to continue to point to it as though it's a blink-or-you'll-miss phenomenon.

And then you hear about the severity of the weather all the livelong day. "Man, it's POURING out there!" No, it's raining. Just raining. Pouring is when you have to pull over because you can't see no matter the speed of your wipers. "This weather makes me want to snuggle with my blanket and watch Love Actually as I sip on hot chocolate." Got nothing cynical to say about that... that sounds nice. "This weather is weird. It's kinda like end-of-the-world weather." Who did you get that idea from? Dallas Raines? IT'S RAINING!! We are not dying! It's only water. It is not infested with an unknown virus. It's just raining. Breathe. It's only rain. This too shall pass.

And it seems as though some people have taken Dallas Raines up on his offer. Because out of the 25 people who work here, 1/5 of them did not come in yesterday or today. "The rain made them sick." Really?! The rain made you sick? What happened? Did you sleep out in the rain all night? And even if you did, do you honestly believe that the rain is what made you sick? Really? I mean, don't you think Seattle-ites (Seattle-ins? what is it?) would be in a constant state of "ill" if RAIN is what makes us sick. Seriously, folks. IT'S JUST RAINING! Oh, but the dear in my office swears the rain gave her a migraine for 2 days. Yes, a 2-day migraine from the rain. (I happen to think it's because of all the chocolate she's been inhaling, but I'm no doctor). So today is her first day back after the rain-induced migraine. She loves details, so at 8:45 am this morning she tells me exactly how she's been treating this headache. First she says, "... even Dallas Raines says this weather can get you sick..." WHOA! Whoa! Whoa! Dallas Raines? Who the hell is this man and why is everyone acting like he's some all-knowing god? He's a weatherman... on the morning news... who explains what the colors on the screen mean and he pushes his hands around thin air to try to show which direction this "storm" is moving. And he READS A PROMPTER! Anyway, back to the 2-day, rain-induced migraine. So Dallas Raines confirms that indeed this is the worst form of migraine to have. So she laid in bed for 2 days straight and took "800mg of IBM every 6 hours." Really?! IBM? Well, honey, that explains your migraine. It's not the rain that caused it... anyone who swallows computers and printers to treat a headache is going to heighten the pain. Welcome back.

But now she's perplexed. "What do I do with my umbrella now," she asks. "It's really wet and I don't want to keep it closed in case it gets moldy, but you know what they say about opening umbrellas indoors." What are we? 7 years old? As she walks off, umbrella dripping, she turns and says, "Hey, Andrea! What do I do when my car glidroplanes? Or is is skidroplanes? Is it best to brake before or after?" Huh?! Glidroplane? Skidroplane? I don't know. "You know, when your car like glides in the water puddles." HYdroplane... she meant hydroplane. That question totally helped me understand the swerving around the water puddles thing: people here don't know how to drive in the rain. They just don't. And unfortunately, until Dallas Raines tells them how to, they may never.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

"Want a Thing-a-ma-bob? I got 20!"

Twenty (20) things about me that may (or may not) surprise you:

1. i like to read news on every day. more than once a day.
2. i'm crazy about fonts. the good ones.
3. i still don't consider myself a california girl. don't know if i ever will.
4. i like country music. but i don't like songs about ticks, the fans or badonkadonks. (i don't even know if i spelled that correctly).
5. i also don't like songs about thongs, cisco! but that's not country.
6. i've read the first few books of the Left Behind series. hahaha. ya... i laughed too.
7. most of my travels occur in my head... in the wishing region of my head. if i had lots of money, they would occur more in reality.
8. my room is messy right now. matter of fact, my car is too. (sorry, mom and dad - it's not you.)
9. i cry - about sad things - about happy things - about average things. it's a way i express. and i don't apologize for it. and it's not a girl thing.
10. i don't think there's anything about me - anything i've done, anything i've said, anything i've felt or feel - that at least one person on this earth does not know. anything. unless i don't know yet.
11. cats are not my favorite.
12. i l-o-v-e writing with an ultra fine point Sharpie pen.
13. i have two (2) friends in my life i would consider my SOULmates.
14. sometimes i whine. i don't like it when i do. in fact, sometimes i punish myself when i do by sending me to my room to sit on my bed and think about a better way to respond. then i apologize to myself and move on.
15. apologizing is healing for me.
16. i have a very, very uncomfortable bed. one time i whined about it.
17. my senior year in high school i was elected "best smile." but then the yearbook came out and the picture they showed under "Best Smile" is HORRIBLE. my eyes are almost closed and my smile look like i'm talking and smiling at the same time. oh, and my eyebrows are like an inch thick.
18. when someone says "where should we eat?" and i say, "it doesn't matter." i really mean, "it doesn't matter." it's not a mind game. promise.
19. i'm eight (8) minutes late to work every day.
20. i have a list of things to do before i die. it's not as morbid as it sounds. some people call them "long-term goals."

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I Don't Get It

"You don't get what?" you're asking. This:

1. When people put window stickers of their families on cars. I especially don't get it when they put each family member's name below the corresponding cartoon-y stick figure with their last name sprawled over the top. And don't get me started on the pets.

2. When people say something like, "It's a shame that nobody has snatched you up yet." Ummm... I don't get it. Who or what exactly did you just shame?

3. The Christmas... excuse me... the Holiday decor at my work. I have 5 events over the next two weeks and somehow I was given the task of making sure all of the clubhouses were decorated this week because "I have good style." And let me remind you that this community is made up of very nice, expensive and classy homes. Sounds fun, right? Well, like 50 bins of decor was dropped off in my office to use. It seriously looks like we all went through our junk drawers and dumped them in these bins. So this is what I have to use... TO DECORATE CLUBHOUSES! I have to. And yesterday, this put me in a bad mood (well, I let it put me in a bad mood) when I had to decorate this HUGE (ginormous) wreath - or as my co-worker would say, "reef." They handed me the wreath along with the "items" to decorate it. These items consisted of: a string of gold beads/leaves long enough to stretch around 1/3 of the wreath, a string of bright red and green jewel-y beads to stretch across another 1/3 and a bunch of little pixie things to just stick around the stupid wreath - some that look like glittered gifts, some that look like flat, gold grapes, some that look like a bouquet of holly... you get the picture. And that's it. That's it??? What the hell am I supposed to do with all this crap? So we have a beautiful room with gorgeous wood floors, huge elaborate chandeliers and a big 'ol tacky wreath hangin on the wall. I don't get it.

4. Why people still come to work when they're sick... coughing on everything, snotting on everything, hacking. I get you're a hard worker and you feel okay enough to work, but now it's two weeks later and we're ALL sick. And then, when someone else decides to stay home, you say proudly, "I still came in when I was sick."

5. Ugg boots. I don't get it. Especially when you wear them with your mini-skirt.

6. Why Kenny Chesney keeps winning Entertainer of the Year at the CMAs. Why?? I don't get it.

7. Why people tell me I look like this when I put on my glasses. I don't get it.

Monday, November 10, 2008


This morning I was watching the news as the chill in the air was coming through my open window on this beautiful autumn morning. I loved it. Then I saw that this weekend the temperatures were going to be 90+. Then I remembered what I wrote last year around this time.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I'm It!

I've been tagged by Phil... see!

So, here I go. 7 random/weird facts about me:
1. In the morning when I'm getting ready for work, I love to turn on Good Morning America. Sometimes if it's boring, I'll turn it to the Today show, but I prefer Diane Sawyer and the gang. I learn a lot that first hour of the morning.
2. I only check my work emails 3 times a day. It took awhile to get used to, but I can get so much more done this way... it forces me to be less reactive and my emails become a task, not an interruption. My team knows that if it's an emergency, they need to come to my office or call me because I only get the emails at 9am, 12pm and 4pm. The only exception is when I'm waiting on someone to email me something that I need to do my task.
3. I had kidney surgery years ago and have an 8 inch scar to prove it... a very straight line that goes around my waist.
4. Sometimes when I can't focus at work, I'll play one of those games that's supposed to help your brain. It actually works most of the time, but sometimes it's annoying because I'll see math equations or will be unscrambling words in my head for the rest of the day.
5. I love football season. I love college football (Big 12 especially... go Aggies!) and NFL. I will Tivo a Cowboys game and watch the entire thing by myself. I will cheer out loud, I will talk to the TV, I will get mad if we turnover the ball, and I will be a ball of anxiety if it's a "good" game.
6. "Save the best for last" is a theme I live by... but not on purpose. In everything I do... eating - I like to save the best bite for last; at work - I like to save my favorite project for last; at Disneyland - I like to save the best ride for last; and on and on.
7. Okay. I'm going to admit something... something that very few people know about me. I honestly don't care if you judge me. I LOVE Dancing With the Stars... like, LOVE it! I think it is so entertaining. That's not the embarrassing part (well, maybe a little). Here it is: I am that emotional viewer that the producers strive to entertain. I am so glad there is not some secret live webcam recording me as I watch it... seriously. This week as I was watching it, I became aware of how incredibly nerdy I am. I found myself on the edge of my couch with this ridiculously huge smile on my face, or I'd laugh a loud boisterous laugh as though I'm right there, I'd applaud with excitement and cheer for my favorites... seriously - SO nerdy! I wish I was a star only so I could be on that show. Judge away!

I'm not a rule follower, so I'm not going to tag 7. I'm only going to tag Alissa, Kristyn, Greg and Vanessa. You guys can do it if you want to.