It's Raining in the OC

*This post is long. But, get over it. I promise it's worth reading.

So, it's raining here in the OC. That's very uncommon... very. Now, being a Texas girl, I love it. I love the change, love the gloom, love the sound of the constant rhythm of the water tapping on the wet concrete. Memories of splashing around in puddles flood my mind. I remember huddling with my sister under the plaid umbrella I loved so dearly. I remember pinching the crap out of my finger every time I went to close it. I remember having to play "Heads Up - Seven Up" during recess. I remember Lance Woods cheating every time. I remember my sister falling in the mud as she ran to make the bus. I remember sitting in our suburban at the bus stop while it rained all around us, even though we were only two houses away from the bus stop. Literally, two houses away. I remember our front yard would often flood creating The Petty Lake (we were so clever).

But what I think it absolutely hilarious... like, knee-slapping, side-splitting, bust-a-gut funny (ewww... I just realized how horribly violent that is)... are the people's reactions here. Y'all, it would appear as though a tsunami has hit. Or better yet... Armageddon in the form of raindrops. This morning on the news, the segue into the weather portion went like this: flashes of photos of lightning, people being blown away against forceful winds, palm trees being uprooted, power lines crashing down creating thousands of sparks, with these spoken words, "For all severe weather updates, stay tuned to ABC 7... LA and Orange County's weather leader." Then a brief moment of anxiety-driven tones/beats and "Storm Watch 2008" all but comes to life on the screen before Dallas Raines (yes, that's our weatherman's name) comes on to talk about the severity of this weather. Ok, let's gain some perspective, folks. Severe weather?? Really?! Severe weather??? IT'S RAINING!! I understand that because of the flash of photos you just threw up, it would appear to be severe... but let's be honest, those weren't even photos from LA OR Orange County. IT'S ONLY RAINING! And now Dallas Raines (have to say his full name) is telling us to "stay inside unless we have to go out." Really, Dallas Raines? Stay inside? Why? For fear that a few measly little raindrops will decide to go rogue and form an all-out attack? I don't get it? IT'S JUST RAINING. Oh, also he tells me it's "really cold out there. So bundle up!" IT'S 51*!!!! 51!! Cold is what the mid-west is facing with the below 0 temps. 51 is not cold, it's "colder than we're used to," but it's not cold.

Then, I get on the road with a bunch of these people who have spent the morning on Storm Watch 2008 listening to Dallas Raines. This is already an anxiety-filled town... the last thing they needed this morning was Dallas Raines talking about rain. Again, folks, road rules don't change just because it's raining. Sure, slow down a little... maybe break a little sooner, but what is up with the swerving? Are you swerving around the little puddles? Because you do realize that your car is larger than those puddles? Relax... look at your knuckles... they're snow-white from gripping the steering wheel. Yes, your child can see the rain hitting your car, you don't need to continue to point to it as though it's a blink-or-you'll-miss phenomenon.

And then you hear about the severity of the weather all the livelong day. "Man, it's POURING out there!" No, it's raining. Just raining. Pouring is when you have to pull over because you can't see no matter the speed of your wipers. "This weather makes me want to snuggle with my blanket and watch Love Actually as I sip on hot chocolate." Got nothing cynical to say about that... that sounds nice. "This weather is weird. It's kinda like end-of-the-world weather." Who did you get that idea from? Dallas Raines? IT'S RAINING!! We are not dying! It's only water. It is not infested with an unknown virus. It's just raining. Breathe. It's only rain. This too shall pass.

And it seems as though some people have taken Dallas Raines up on his offer. Because out of the 25 people who work here, 1/5 of them did not come in yesterday or today. "The rain made them sick." Really?! The rain made you sick? What happened? Did you sleep out in the rain all night? And even if you did, do you honestly believe that the rain is what made you sick? Really? I mean, don't you think Seattle-ites (Seattle-ins? what is it?) would be in a constant state of "ill" if RAIN is what makes us sick. Seriously, folks. IT'S JUST RAINING! Oh, but the dear in my office swears the rain gave her a migraine for 2 days. Yes, a 2-day migraine from the rain. (I happen to think it's because of all the chocolate she's been inhaling, but I'm no doctor). So today is her first day back after the rain-induced migraine. She loves details, so at 8:45 am this morning she tells me exactly how she's been treating this headache. First she says, "... even Dallas Raines says this weather can get you sick..." WHOA! Whoa! Whoa! Dallas Raines? Who the hell is this man and why is everyone acting like he's some all-knowing god? He's a weatherman... on the morning news... who explains what the colors on the screen mean and he pushes his hands around thin air to try to show which direction this "storm" is moving. And he READS A PROMPTER! Anyway, back to the 2-day, rain-induced migraine. So Dallas Raines confirms that indeed this is the worst form of migraine to have. So she laid in bed for 2 days straight and took "800mg of IBM every 6 hours." Really?! IBM? Well, honey, that explains your migraine. It's not the rain that caused it... anyone who swallows computers and printers to treat a headache is going to heighten the pain. Welcome back.

But now she's perplexed. "What do I do with my umbrella now," she asks. "It's really wet and I don't want to keep it closed in case it gets moldy, but you know what they say about opening umbrellas indoors." What are we? 7 years old? As she walks off, umbrella dripping, she turns and says, "Hey, Andrea! What do I do when my car glidroplanes? Or is is skidroplanes? Is it best to brake before or after?" Huh?! Glidroplane? Skidroplane? I don't know. "You know, when your car like glides in the water puddles." HYdroplane... she meant hydroplane. That question totally helped me understand the swerving around the water puddles thing: people here don't know how to drive in the rain. They just don't. And unfortunately, until Dallas Raines tells them how to, they may never.