I've Been Thinking...

- My room is a DISASTER. It should be seriously recorded in the Book of Disasters. I don't think it's EVER looked like this... EVER. I have my excuses, but I won't bore you with those. And I would take a picture to prove it, but I have too much pride. It will be spotless before this weekend.

- In case you don't know, American Idol's Jason Castro is from my hometown of Rockwall, TX and grew up in the same church I did. I don't remember him (he's a bit younger too), but his family came out here over Easter and had lunch with my family (minus me)... they remembered each other. Then Jason (my brother) got to go to the results show a couple of weeks ago as one of his "friends." Yes, he was on tv. I wasn't invited and I pouted for a little bit. SO, keep voting for him not only because he's really talented, but also because he's a great guy - great character... and then you can say "I know someone who knows the new American Idol." And then you'll be cool.

- I just saw this guy I work with trip outside. He didn't fall, just tripped off the curb. and it was really funny. Yes, I laughed; no I'm not insensitive. I just like to chuckle at anything that's obviously overlooked. Now he's "singing" the guitar runs of Led Zeppelin... so annoying... I'm not laughing.

- I really like my roommate, Cathi. Because of our schedules, I sometimes go days without really seeing her, but then I do and I like it.

- Saying goodbye to this little guy's face is always really hard. Sad. I had such a blast with him when he and my sister visited. He is growing so much and is SO smart. I can tell he's going to be really funny too... he likes making people laugh. I miss him.


- I got a Disneyland Pass last month!! Yay! My dad bought it for me which was very sweet. I've already gone 4 times since I've had it. If you would like to go, there is about an 82% chance that I would like to join you.

- I think one of the worst pains ever is a hang-nail. Ouch!

- I was speaking with a friend who has recently been through a really tough time. She's in the "stage" of healing where it just hurts and there's nothing she can do about it. I have been through my own heartaches and healing processes, so she asked "what do you think is the most important part to healing?" Good question... and it may differ with everyone, but this is what I've learned (and am continuously learning): I think the most important thing is to just let myself hurt. Every part of my nature tries to convince me that feeling hurt, anger, sadness, confusion, etc is "bad" so I do whatever I can to "feel" happy and positive, meanwhile I'm burying my pain under the fakeness (just pretend that's a word). I have to expose the wound, let it sting as it's cleaned before it can even begin to heal... sometimes I have to expose it over and over. My suggestion? Let yourself be present with your pain - equally in head and in heart. Just be. Your heart will get rid of it when it's ready... it may not be in your timing and it may force you to deal with more, but you won't feel like this forever if you actually deal with it. Accept the fact that you're living with pain for right now, be intentional about listening to your heart and allow yourself to feel the pain. Repeat. Oh, one more thing! Find people in your life that can be present in your pain with you and let them love you there.

- What is up with spam? I hate it. I have an email address that I give out to places when I think they may sell it to others so I expect that inbox to be flooded with spam. I have another email address, however, that I ONLY give out to people with whom I will be corresponding with. So why am I starting to suddenly get spam there? It's so frustrating!

- Sometimes I wonder if I have a sign on my car that says "Your are welcome to pull out in front of me!"

- Now the guy I work with is whisper-singing Beat It... as if we can't all hear him. If he doesn't stop soon, I'm gonna beat him.