January '09 or Bust!

Here is a list of things I would like to do by January 2009 in no particular order. If anybody would like to help me complete them, I welcome your company (well, depending on who you are). Oh, and I'm sure I'll have more to add:

- white water rafting

- get my jaw fixed*

- go camping in the Sequoias

- go to Carmel, Ca

- go to London

- plan a reunion with college friends

- get a Mac

- get a better camera and take more pictures

- write more

- get a new mattress that's a lot more comfy

- visit my friend in Alaska when the baby arrives

- go to Napa

- learn more

- love better

*This one is a priority. I have an update, I just don't feel like writing about it right now. I will at some point.

Warning: I'm Going to Complain

If you've seen me lately and I look tired, it's because I am.

If you've eaten with me lately and it looks like I'm not eating right, it's because I'm not.

If you've been with me lately and it looks like I hold my face often, it's because I am.

If you've seen me yawn lately and it looks like I want to cry, it's because I do.

If I've spoken with you lately and it looks like I'm in pain, it's because I am.

Here's the thing: my jaw hurts badly. I've had problems with it for the past few years, but in the last 2 - 3 months, it's gotten progressively worse. It keeps me up at night, my shoulders and neck are in constant pain, I'm averaging about 2 migraines a week (some make me puke), I can't talk right because it hurts, I can't even open 1/2 inch so eating a sandwich has become impossible, the crunchiness of vegetables is unbearable, yawning feels like someone is stabbing knives in my jaw, my ear and my temple, I can't even freaking sing in the car! I just want to cry. :(

I've tried everything... nothing works. So, I'm going to see a specialist... hopefully it's repairable. For now, I just needed to complain. Thanks for listening.

Fall?

After 5 years of living in "sunny" California, this is one thing I have learned: When fall comes and it starts to get cold, don't get excited about the weather until the second time it gets cold because it always gets hot at least one more time.

A week ago I had on a jacket and a cute scarf with a huge smile on my face because fall was finally here. Today I have on a sleeveless shirt and jeans and I'm still hot.

A Little Piece Inside

I'm not the girl that things happen for. I don't mean that in a depressing or ungrateful way... things just don't happen for me. One of my best friends and I were at Disneyland recently, watching the parade. Things happen for her. We were discussing that if a "cast member" (D-land staff for those of you not familiar with the term) came up to us and said "we need you two in the parade," she would end up as Tinkerbell... the one that leads the parade atop a magnificent float. The one who every little kid looks up at and waves back, confident that Tinkerbell was only waving at them. I, on the other hand, would end up being the dancing fork in the Beauty and the Beast section; or I would be the back end of a two person donkey costume - with my back hunched over and my hair and sweat falling on my face while I walk for a mile without waving because I have to hold on to the person who is the front end of the donkey, a slightly better role. I know I have a choice here - to be envious or to be thankful that I am in the parade at all.

Here's something that did happen for me though - friendships. This doesn't happen for everyone the way it happened for me and I don't know why I was chosen to get this in life, but man I know I have some of the best friends (this includes family) in the world. Through them I experience so much love, so much joy, so much heartache, so much depth, so much genuine laughter, so much security, so much fullness in life! I have friends who I can be completely myself with, completely honest with and a complete dork with. They challenge me to love deeply and freely; they let me cry hard and go on angry rants knowing it will lead to healing. I have friends who I know love me and whom I love... no matter the distance, no matter the surrounding circumstances, no matter the "life stage." I will forever be grateful that this happened for me. Because of this, I am the happiest dancing fork/donkey's butt in the parade.

On My Bedside Table

This morning I finished this book. I really liked it... so much so that I kept searching the end to make sure it really was the end. I wanted it to keep going. I think there's a movie coming out this month based on this novel.

This evening I started this book. I hear it's good... and it's interesting so far.

I'll let you know how it goes.