My Year in Review

As the close of the year approaches, I am forced to think back at everything I experienced this year:

• A new job that I really like where I have put on several small events, 3 medium events, 4 large events and 1 Biggie-sized event.
  
• A new nephew that is the most adorable thing out there.
  
• The loss of a dear friend
  
• A new roommate who is beyond great to live with.
  
• Met a man with whom I experienced a great deal of love.
  
• A heartbreak where I experienced a great deal of pain.
  
• A wonderful reunion with many childhood and lifelong friends.


• Celebrating with 5 friends who had their first child, 2 friends who had their second and 3 friends (so far!) who will have their first in 2008.
• Celebrating with 2 friends who got married!
  
• Spent several days with friends from out of town.
  
• Climbed a tree 105 ft up then jumped off a platform onto a trapeze.
  
• Intense jaw pain coupled with migraines for the first time ever. (Had nothing to do with the jump)
• Successfully ended counseling after a long, hard, but very-worth-it process!

This might be the best year of my life so far... not because of any one of these particular circumstances, and maybe that's why it was so great. I learned this year that my circumstances don't define my satisfaction, happiness and contentment in life or myself. It's what I spent so many years searching for and finally realized that being content in who I am is seriously all I need. I am able to experience the fullness of the joy and love that come from circumstances, while also embracing the fullness of pain that comes. The difference is that I am no longer scared of the pain... I don't like the feeling... but I have accepted that this is part of life and it's okay and I'm okay, so why not embrace it? It's strange to still feel content even when circumstances hurt. I think one of the most (maybe, THE most) beautiful things God offers in life is to love others and let them love me through the pain, and rejoice with others and let them rejoice with me through the triumphs - and I got to do a lot of that this year! So, here is to a New Year that is guaranteed to be full of joy and pain... the next step to a beautiful journey!

I Didn't Think It Could Happen...

But it did - he just can't stop getting cuter.

I had to post this because I seriously might have the cutest nephew in the world and this picture proves it. And I don't have to be biased to see it... I just happen to be biased... which makes it even better!

Oh... he's standing all the time now too. Check out my sister's blog to hear/see more.

January '09 or Bust!

Here is a list of things I would like to do by January 2009 in no particular order. If anybody would like to help me complete them, I welcome your company (well, depending on who you are). Oh, and I'm sure I'll have more to add:

- white water rafting

- get my jaw fixed*

- go camping in the Sequoias

- go to Carmel, Ca

- go to London

- plan a reunion with college friends

- get a Mac

- get a better camera and take more pictures

- write more

- get a new mattress that's a lot more comfy

- visit my friend in Alaska when the baby arrives

- go to Napa

- learn more

- love better

*This one is a priority. I have an update, I just don't feel like writing about it right now. I will at some point.

Warning: I'm Going to Complain

If you've seen me lately and I look tired, it's because I am.

If you've eaten with me lately and it looks like I'm not eating right, it's because I'm not.

If you've been with me lately and it looks like I hold my face often, it's because I am.

If you've seen me yawn lately and it looks like I want to cry, it's because I do.

If I've spoken with you lately and it looks like I'm in pain, it's because I am.

Here's the thing: my jaw hurts badly. I've had problems with it for the past few years, but in the last 2 - 3 months, it's gotten progressively worse. It keeps me up at night, my shoulders and neck are in constant pain, I'm averaging about 2 migraines a week (some make me puke), I can't talk right because it hurts, I can't even open 1/2 inch so eating a sandwich has become impossible, the crunchiness of vegetables is unbearable, yawning feels like someone is stabbing knives in my jaw, my ear and my temple, I can't even freaking sing in the car! I just want to cry. :(

I've tried everything... nothing works. So, I'm going to see a specialist... hopefully it's repairable. For now, I just needed to complain. Thanks for listening.

Fall?

After 5 years of living in "sunny" California, this is one thing I have learned: When fall comes and it starts to get cold, don't get excited about the weather until the second time it gets cold because it always gets hot at least one more time.

A week ago I had on a jacket and a cute scarf with a huge smile on my face because fall was finally here. Today I have on a sleeveless shirt and jeans and I'm still hot.

A Little Piece Inside

I'm not the girl that things happen for. I don't mean that in a depressing or ungrateful way... things just don't happen for me. One of my best friends and I were at Disneyland recently, watching the parade. Things happen for her. We were discussing that if a "cast member" (D-land staff for those of you not familiar with the term) came up to us and said "we need you two in the parade," she would end up as Tinkerbell... the one that leads the parade atop a magnificent float. The one who every little kid looks up at and waves back, confident that Tinkerbell was only waving at them. I, on the other hand, would end up being the dancing fork in the Beauty and the Beast section; or I would be the back end of a two person donkey costume - with my back hunched over and my hair and sweat falling on my face while I walk for a mile without waving because I have to hold on to the person who is the front end of the donkey, a slightly better role. I know I have a choice here - to be envious or to be thankful that I am in the parade at all.

Here's something that did happen for me though - friendships. This doesn't happen for everyone the way it happened for me and I don't know why I was chosen to get this in life, but man I know I have some of the best friends (this includes family) in the world. Through them I experience so much love, so much joy, so much heartache, so much depth, so much genuine laughter, so much security, so much fullness in life! I have friends who I can be completely myself with, completely honest with and a complete dork with. They challenge me to love deeply and freely; they let me cry hard and go on angry rants knowing it will lead to healing. I have friends who I know love me and whom I love... no matter the distance, no matter the surrounding circumstances, no matter the "life stage." I will forever be grateful that this happened for me. Because of this, I am the happiest dancing fork/donkey's butt in the parade.

On My Bedside Table

This morning I finished this book. I really liked it... so much so that I kept searching the end to make sure it really was the end. I wanted it to keep going. I think there's a movie coming out this month based on this novel.

This evening I started this book. I hear it's good... and it's interesting so far.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Another Grocery Store Run In

So today I ran by the grocery store to pick up a few things for an event that's this weekend. As I'm walking with my cart toward the cash register to pay, a man (33 -36ish years old?) approached me and asks if I could help him with something.

He says quietly, "Can you help me pick out some flowers for me to give to a woman. I just want to let her know that I think she is beautiful."
Being the romantic that I am, I agree.
I ask all kinds of questions, "Are you dating her?"
"No."
"Does she know you?"
"No. Not really."
"Are these flowers a means to ask her out?" (if so... barf. I'm romantic... not cheesy!)
"No. I just want to tell her that I think she's beautiful. Really that's it. I'm just not good at the picking out part."
I think I made some dumb joke that went something like "picking out the flowers or picking out the beautiful woman?" I can't remember what I said but it didn't get a laugh... not even from me. I quickly change the subject - flowers.
So, I tell him to go with the pretty autumn-colored gerber daisies. Not too many as to overwhelm her, but more than one. And gerbers are cute and sweet... not a hugely romantic flower that could potentially scare her away. Yes, I analyzed the flowers. So he (we) picked out 5.

We get in line together... I let him go in front of me because he only had 5 gerber daisies and I had a cart full of things. He pays but continues to chat with me, so we ended up walking out together.
As we're crossing the parking lot I say, "Well, good luck with the flowers. I think she'll love them."
He replies, "Here. I want you to have them." He begins to hand them to me.
Very confused, I say "What? No! I like them but you should give them to her." ("her" never had a name.)
He smiles and chuckles and said, "I think you're beautiful and I was picking them out for you the entire time. I just wanted you to have what you liked."
I must admit, part of me wanted to roll my eyes and say "Gross! This was so cheesy!"
But... I couldn't help but smile. This was one of the sweetest, most sincere gestures ever. "Wow. Thank you. I don't know what to say... I'm very flattered. Thank you."
"Well, I couldn't pass up the opportunity."
I, of course, quickly lighten it up and start rambling about my confusion... I basically retold the entire walk to my car to him as if he hadn't been there. I'm such a dork.
He then says, "It was very nice to me you, ???"
"Andrea." I reply.
"Andrea, very nice to meet you. I'm Brandon. I'm going to go inside now to get my shopping done." He smiled the entire time he spoke.
"Okay. Have fun! Maybe you'll find another beautiful woman in there," I jokingly yell to him as he walks away.
He turns around, smiles and says, "I think you're it. I've never done it before and I doubt I'll do it again. I was shaking the entire time."
He pauses.
"Bye, Andrea."
"Oh, bye Brandon. Have a great day."

And that was it.

So now I have 5 gerber daisies sitting in a little vase on my desk. And every time I look at them... I smile.

Ugh...

My apartment was white. Now it looks tan.
My eyes were white. Now they're red. And they burn.
My car was gray. Now it's gray with a beige coating.
The air was clear. Now it has gray and tan flurries floating everywhere.
Streets were clean. Now there is a pile of ash against every curb.
My lungs were whatever color lungs are. Now they are black.

Here's why:


Yep... this is the air I'm forced to breathe. This photo was not doctored... it was taken on the freeway by my house. You are not seeing fog or clouds. You're seeing smoke and ash... a thick haze - constantly! You know it's bad when you can look directly at the sun in the middle of the day and the only thing that affects your eyes are the ash flurries.

All I want to do is step outside where it is 56 degrees with a clear blue sky and a bright sun and take a deep breath.

We're Surrounded!!

First of all, thanks for all of your emails, phone calls and prayers. I'm sorry if I haven't gotten back to you yet. I'm okay. My family's okay. And there is no extreme danger right now.

But it is crazy here! Crazy! I can't explain in words what it's like. At first I didn't believe it would get this bad (even made light of it)... but it did. The Orange County (arson) fire is very close to my house, now closer to my parent's. We can also now see the San Diego fire making its way north to us... it's a huge blaze in the distance. I came to my parent's house tonight to be sure they were okay. I couldn't believe what I was seeing as I was driving toward their house. So, I got out and snapped some pictures with my mom. These pictures were taken about a block from their house. Keep in mind that they don't capture the intensity of this fire at all!

Several friends have been evacuated and if it keeps up, my parents will most likely have to as well. The good news is that the winds have died down, so it's more likely that they won't. I've had one friend who lost his home in this fire. The damage it's done is just unbelievable.

It seems that everyone is in a state of shock right now; it's all people talk about and think about. It's sad really. However, as cynical as I am about the OC, it's been cool to see the community pull together in this. Some of the rescue centers are full, so people are even opening up their homes to complete strangers. Seriously, thank God this isn't worse than it is. It's definitely horrible to lose a home, I'm sure, but at least the people have remained unharmed. Please continue to keep us all in your prayers.